So date me, maybe?

Happy Monday, friends!

Said no one ever. Mondays are a true biatch, I tell ya.

But I'm all about bright sides ~ so howsa 'bout those 4 days left 'til the weekend, y'all?! WOOOOT.

But the real reason this Monday sucks is because we had the best weekend evaaa!
{Well, with the exception of our wedding weekend. As a semi-newlywed, the Book of Mawwiage obligates me to say that.}

Saturday was date night and my entire existence kind of revolves around date night, what with me having that sexpot man candy husband and all!

And because Glennifer and I have become what I consider so good at doing date night, today I thought I'd share my tips with you on just that:

How To Do Date Night

By: A total spaz who thinks things like this are post-worthy and people will actually take her advice.

1. Early in the week pre-date, tell your manslice how awesome he is for taking you on a date, and how excited you are. Squeal and say yayyyyy a lot.

Repeat every day, maybe every hour, until day of the date.

2. Get your hurr did the day before. Even if you've had such an appointment scheduled for two months, the timing will seem serendipitous and you'll look sexxxaaaay.

3. When day of said date arrives, start by taking a shower. It's just the right thing to do.

4. Put on some war paint, in preparation to fight off the other women at the bar/restaurant who are gonna eye your man candy. Bishes, beware! I izzz fierce.

Instagr{dot}am that shit, too, so you look artsy.

5. Rock your face off like you're getting ready for a middle school dance. Hair shaking and Limited Too bell bottoms are perfectly acceptable, encouraged even.

6. Cover up your naked bodaaay with some sexy clothes. Definitely go for a shirt you don't wear often, or at least wouldn't wear to Panera Bread.
I went with a one-shoulder this time. Lace was a runner-up, as well as a hawt backless number sure to net me a few "God baby, you look amazing," and at least one "Yeah, she's with me!"  Woowee, gettin' hot in heeeere.

7. Spray on some delicious perfume. 

I went with Eau de Shesseriouslypregnantagain, but any titillating scent will do.

8. Switch Pandora stations and booty drop real quick while your husband gets dressed and joins your dance party.

9. Before you leave the house, don't forget to do your nasal spray. Nothing says unsexy like fluid in your inner ear. 

10. Put on more perfume in the car because... eh no reason, it just smells really yummy.

11. Upon arriving at the restaurant, order a super frilly girly bevvy, just so no one gets confused about gender roles. 

Yes, he's getting the check, kthanks.  ;)

12. Order an assload of sushi fit for a king, and then complain that you're gonna have to be rolled out. 

No seriously, if I don't vomit before we get to the mall, it'll be a miracle on 34th Street.

13. Refrain from vomiting, do some shopping, and then have the dance party of all dance parties in the car on the way home.

Y'all know what this means...

14. Come home, change into pajamas in record time, watch football, take pictures with your dog, and get drunk.

15.  End the night by watching Mean Girls. Because it's the best movie ever. Period. Still deserves an Oscar.

By following these easy steps, you, too, can have an out-of-this-world date night with that sexy piece of booty you let sleep in your bed with you every night.

Oww owwww, Glenn, I love ya!

P.S. ~ don't forget to click here and vote for Moose!!! I'll be giving away a little PetSmart/Petco gift card to one lucky voter! 
If you vote, please leave a comment telling me about it.  :)