Well, since you asked, I do have an update on my ears. Y'all are so sweet to be worried about me! Except basically the update is that I have negative three answers and apparently my ear is wonky from allergies and there's not much the doctor can do except "experiment." Lucky ducky Lexa.
But I've decided to find the bright side in all of this mess. Since I often can't hear out of my right ear, Glenn technically can't accuse me of not listening to him, if he's talking to me from the right side of my body. Ya see, I have a teeny problem ~ I have self-diagnosed ADD {Doesn't everyone these days?} and Glenn rightly accuses me of not listening to him all. the. time.
BUT NOW, I just have to be like, "Were you on my right side when you told me that? OK then I didn't hear you. Remember, I'm suffering horrible ear pain and you should feel sorry for me." For my Wife of the Year award, I'd like my trophy to read Mrs. Awesome, please.
Of note: I hate my nose. Always have, always will. It's a little crooked because I have a super neato deviated septum and I'm so petty that it bothers me. However, no one ever points it out so I finally tried to just accept it and stop doing kissy faces in pictures so that it doesn't show.
That is, until the ENT on Wednesday is doing her little investigation of my orifices and she looks up in there. As she does, I casually mention "Oh yeah, and I do have a little bit of a deviated septum." to which she responds,
"A SEVERELY DEVIATED SEPTUM! VERY SEVERE. SEVERELY DEVIATED ON THE RIGHT. Nurse, please note that in her chart. Severely deviated septum on the right."
Come again, sorry, I didn't hear you ~ is my septum severely deviated? Oh ok, thanks for clearing that up, I wasn't sure.
So, instead of focusing on my Wicked Witch of the West facial qualities, let's write a couple of super important Friday letters!
Dear Blog Besties: Are y'all aware that each of you has an Alexa-given nickname? It's what I call you aloud 95.2% of the time and how you're listed in my iPhizzle. Let's see, we have... Ashley Tex, Gangsta Lene, Sunshine Robin, Yoga Pants, Shenanny Sami, Bengal Erin, They call her STACI, and Brandi+BK {also, BK is the cutest thing in the entire world}. Points to you, readers, if you can guess who everyone is without clicking the links!
Dear Super Target: I've been the most deadbeat parent ever this week, and I'm SO, SO SEVERELY SORRY! But dontchu worry, I'm coming over to soothe you tonight. My wallet will be there, too ~ please be gentle to her, she's had a rough month.
Dear Glenn Coco: Yes, Yoga Pants may have hit the nail on the head when she accused me of marrying you for the sole reason that I can legitimately say "You go, Glenn Coco!" whenever I want for eternity. But in addition to your name, you have other amazing qualities, like taking me on a workday lunch date and sharing fancy-schmancy lobster nachos with me. Spank ya, GC! I love you.
Dear Work: Holy balls, what did I ever do to you to deserve the month of January 2013!?!? I'll have you know, I don't appreciate your shenanigans in the least and am grateful you've finally chilled out, for today at least. And as a gentle reminder, February is the month of love, so it'd be just swell {Heyyy, Brady Bunch} if you'd take that to heart and be nicer to me for the next 28ish days. Or the next few years, either way.
Dear New Sponsors: Y'ALL. BLEW. MY. MIND. Seriously, I can't thank you enough for fluffy-fying my heart and making me so happy! It's my sincere promise to you that this month I'm gonna pimp you out harder than Luda did his pimpin' all o'er the world. Truth!
Dear favorite, most flattering pair of jeans I've ever owned: This morning I discovered you now have a legitimate rip in the front upper thigh area. Why, oh whyyyyyy. I might've shed a tear, because I'm materialistic. Because I love you so much, I'll promptly be going to the tailor to have you patched up real niiiiiice. Not that I have a regular tailor or anything ~ after all, I'm not J.Lo, but I'm hoping I can find one who understands this huge life dilemma and is willing to help me out.
Note to self: Option #2 ~ write a demand letter to Abercrombie, asking them to bring your now-slutty jeans back in style.
Dear Sleep: {And Ambien...} I'm comin' at you like a spider monkey this weekend. I hope you're ready.
Happy Friday, Happy February, Happy everything, friends!
But I've decided to find the bright side in all of this mess. Since I often can't hear out of my right ear, Glenn technically can't accuse me of not listening to him, if he's talking to me from the right side of my body. Ya see, I have a teeny problem ~ I have self-diagnosed ADD {Doesn't everyone these days?} and Glenn rightly accuses me of not listening to him all. the. time.
BUT NOW, I just have to be like, "Were you on my right side when you told me that? OK then I didn't hear you. Remember, I'm suffering horrible ear pain and you should feel sorry for me." For my Wife of the Year award, I'd like my trophy to read Mrs. Awesome, please.
That is, until the ENT on Wednesday is doing her little investigation of my orifices and she looks up in there. As she does, I casually mention "Oh yeah, and I do have a little bit of a deviated septum." to which she responds,
"A SEVERELY DEVIATED SEPTUM! VERY SEVERE. SEVERELY DEVIATED ON THE RIGHT. Nurse, please note that in her chart. Severely deviated septum on the right."
Come again, sorry, I didn't hear you ~ is my septum severely deviated? Oh ok, thanks for clearing that up, I wasn't sure.
So, instead of focusing on my Wicked Witch of the West facial qualities, let's write a couple of super important Friday letters!
Dear Blog Besties: Are y'all aware that each of you has an Alexa-given nickname? It's what I call you aloud 95.2% of the time and how you're listed in my iPhizzle. Let's see, we have... Ashley Tex, Gangsta Lene, Sunshine Robin, Yoga Pants, Shenanny Sami, Bengal Erin, They call her STACI, and Brandi+BK {also, BK is the cutest thing in the entire world}. Points to you, readers, if you can guess who everyone is without clicking the links!
 |
| Anyone care to accompany me to The Icing this weekend to do a little shopping? |
Dear Glenn Coco: Yes, Yoga Pants may have hit the nail on the head when she accused me of marrying you for the sole reason that I can legitimately say "You go, Glenn Coco!" whenever I want for eternity. But in addition to your name, you have other amazing qualities, like taking me on a workday lunch date and sharing fancy-schmancy lobster nachos with me. Spank ya, GC! I love you.
 |
| You're also the hottest thing I've ever seen, so you get extra candy canes. |
Dear New Sponsors: Y'ALL. BLEW. MY. MIND. Seriously, I can't thank you enough for fluffy-fying my heart and making me so happy! It's my sincere promise to you that this month I'm gonna pimp you out harder than Luda did his pimpin' all o'er the world. Truth!
 |
| I'm a really good pimp, so have no fear. |
Note to self: Option #2 ~ write a demand letter to Abercrombie, asking them to bring your now-slutty jeans back in style.
Dear Sleep: {And Ambien...} I'm comin' at you like a spider monkey this weekend. I hope you're ready.
Happy Friday, Happy February, Happy everything, friends!
19 comments:
See you at The Icing around 6 tonight. I'll bring wine.
Thank you for reminding me The Icing exists. I'm going to swim over there now to buy us new shells.
when do i get a necklace. please send it in the mail asap.
If you promise to wear that hoodie everytime you "pimp out your sponsors"... I'll be back ;)
I hate my nose too! It's been broken twice, both times in middle school from a cheerleading accident...hardcore. It has an ugly hump, hate it!
One of my co-workers is legally deaf in one ear and she loves being able to have that excuse with her husband. Works like a charm! Men can never remember what side they talked to you on. I wish I had this built in excuse. But without the pain (ouchie!!) For now I will just fall back on my self-diagnosed ADD.
I have a friend who is def in his left ear and uses it the same way you do. I like to just say random things to see if he catches on.
I think your nose is FAB.
I think your nose is FAB.
Oh goodness I confused myself when I was reading this post. When you said you were so petty and your nose bothers you I thought you wrote "so pretty" instead and I thought yay confidence, and then I got confused because it didn't all seem to make sense together. But I think you're pretty! Hopefully this wasn't too awkward :)
I 100% caught the Ambien reference and I 100% appreciate it. PS don't let the girls at Icing pierce your ears. I have two uneven holes to show for it!
I'm gonna make besticle BFF bracelets for us I think and they will be obnoxious.. the other girls will get one too obvs. Also, call me blonde because the Glenn Coco thing never occured to me. THAT IS AWESOME. Love you and your wonky ear and nose.
The amount of amazingness in this post is BEYOND words. A. I cannot wait for my necklace. B. I cannot believe I didn't make the Glenn Coco connection. But YOU go for marrying that hunk (weird? maybe. but true.) C. I am so excited for you to pimp me out. I'll be the best ho you've ever had.
D. I sincerely hope you have started drinking after your week!!
Hi! I iz a new sponzerrr :-) I read a couple of your blogs and couldn't stop reading... that's when I knew it was a match made in blog heaven.
I reunited with Target today and it felt so good to be back together!!
Ramblings of a Suburban Mom
I HATE my nose too. Get it from my mama. And the same goes for me that no one has ever made comments about it but I just hate and my profile is oh my gawh. However, when I used to work a little with the deaf population, the sign name I was given by a deaf person was the motion of a big nose with the letter a. Isn't that hilarious and all I good do was laugh:)
you should have severely deviated her septum. punch in the face!
Your blog makes me laugh out loud on the regular. You're basically amazing, ya dig?
My work computer has your blog blocked so I'm behind, but I'm spending my in bed Saturday catching up. <3
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