Sure taught me!

I might be alone in this, but I always find myself wondering when other bloggers write their posts. 

~ I know some who just put fingers to keys and tap, tap, tap away right before hitting publish. 

~ I know some who schedule their posts for an entire week, therefore not spending their nights or early mornings writing and editing and proofing.

~ I know others who start writing a post a hundred times and then go back to it over and over again until it's juuuuuust right.

And I know others, still, who just have an unnatural obsession with their dog. What, me? No, no way.
This is only the 58th picture I've posted of her this week.

I'm in group #1. Winning! Unless it's a special day ~ like Hollybug's birthday this week ~ I rarely know in advance what I'm gonna write about. 

{And for the record, in these five months, I've never once scheduled a post. Maybe you think I'm making life more difficult on myself. Eh, you're probably right.}

So, because of that little "I don't plan ahead" thing, which not surprisingly applies to lotsa things in my life, today you're 'bout to get hit with some ramblings that I'm writing at 6:00 on a Friday morning. Can I issue both a you're welcome and I'm sorry in the same sentence? Mmmmkay, lezgo.

I learned a whole bunch of stuff this week. And my early morning brain is telling me I need to share these lessons with you, because they're just so super important.

{1} My most recent lesson ~ Don't begin your morning by reading Kelle Hampton's birth story. For serious, peoples, only click that link if you've had your coffee, done your hair, and are mentally prepared for the day. Oh, but not if you've already done your makeup.

Aside from the makeup not-doing, I, of course, didn't follow my own advice. Oh, hiiiiii there, sobsobsobby mess of a person. I blame baby pudge cheeks ~ they're just so sweet and irresistible.

My love for newborns and my love for Ellen are seriously equal. I love her that freaking much.

{2} I miss Napa. Like, a whole heckofa lot. Perhaps it was the honeymoon-esque quality of it for us. Perhaps it was just that people are more drunk relaxed out there, and hence life is better. Either way, if by some miracle a plane shows up at work today ready to whisk me off to Grapeland, I'm on it faster than the Kardashian-Jenner-Odom-West-Dissick family on a reality TV show deal.

{3} Don't go to Walmart. Just an across-the-board warning, don't go to this clusterfuck of a store. And I remember this self-warning every time I go there, after I'm already inside, when I can't easily escape the madness.

Let's talk about yesterday, and how I legitimately went to Walmart just to search for a specific flavor of Chobani yogurt. What the...? Let's not even get into that obsession I clearly feed. {It was Fig with Orange Zest Bite, in case you're wondering. And while glorious, no, it wasn't worth a trip to Satan's playground.} 

First I saw a dead bird in the parking lot. I just can't even...

Then I go to grab a buggy, only to successfully detach one from its buggy siblings after the 4th, I repeat 4th try. I then screamed at said inanimate object, but seeing as how I was in Walmart, that, of course, didn't even garner me a second glance from anyone.

Then I finally go to purchase my yogurt and my coupons won't work. I'm that person as the people behind me in line sigh loudly. For a second I felt bad, but then I realized they're the same people who cut me off with their buggy in the cereal aisle, so I told the cashier, "I don't know why they're not working. They really should be working. I just printed it this morning. Can you key in the barcode? Yeah, the one that's a million digits long? Oh, thank you sOoOoOoO much!" Stink-eye goes to you, couple with buggy rage.

Except then, OH THEN, I get home and go to eat one of my yogurts. Only to see that that shit expired on February 10th. Eleven days ago. Eeeeee-levvvv-ennnnn. So, now the decision is upon me: Call it a loss? Or march my pretty little tush back into Walmart and complain about things like salmonella and E. coli? Even though I know I won't get those from expired yogurt. I just wanna sound studious, duh.

{4} The IRS sucks. And that's all I have to say about that.

{5} Charlotte, NC drivers are the worst drivers I've ever encountered in my entire life. This isn't a recent lesson learned, it's simply one that's reenforced every time I venture onto the Roads of Hell. Why yes, why wouldn't it be OK for you to sit in the straight lane at the red light, but then accelerate when the left turn arrow becomes green. You just make that left turn, no one's gonna get mad at all. And you surely won't almost cause 4 accidents in the process.

I don't think I need to explain again why I really would rather not raise our future kids in this city.

Well class, that's all I've got for you today. I hope ya learned somethin'!

We've got a ridonkulously exciting weekend planned, except I'm gonna be all mysterious and not say what it is. There's a reason for that, but you'll just have to check back Monday to see :)

Hint: It might involve things like this.

Hey there, cutie pie. I see you're really good at taking shots.

Hell, I might even pull a Kevin G. Who knows. 'Bout to get craaaaay!

Happy weekend, y'all!